Tag: news

Photo Radar Almost as Unpopular as OC Transpo: Survey

As the photo radar debate rages on in Ottawa City Council, the public’s opinion on the matter becomes increasingly clear. A recent survey, conducted by a public interest watchdog group, found that the photo radar proposal is nearly as disliked as Ottawa’s most reviled organization: OC Transpo.

“It’s incredible” says Maggie Petra, Head Researcher at Whatyouth Inc., “In the Ottawa region, OC Transpo has always acted as a steady constant for our studies. The scale for virtually every study we conduct goes from the near universal dislike for Ottawa public transit, all the way to the revered Bluesfest. Few events, projects, or issues, have received as low of a score as the photo radar motion has.”

The near record-low rating came as a shock to some, surpassing reviled topics such as the Monument to the Victims of Communism, the Mike Duffy Trial, and the Toronto Maple Leafs.
“Clearly we have underestimated the intense dislike for the project in its current state” said City Council member Rich Carrally, “In light of this rating, I am going to propose that we take another look at this legislation and find a more popular solution. City Council is committed to getting this done as fast as possible…well, not too fast…as fast as legally acceptable”.

Next week, we will have the results of a new public opinion survey in light of the city approving 20 new red light cameras in Ottawa.

Fake News No Longer Funny: Poll

Readers in search of a laugh may soon have to look elsewhere. This week researchers at Carleton University published a study that proves what many have suspected for years: that the golden era of satire news is dead. The study, which was conducted over six months, asked 112 participants to rate various comedic media from “hilarious” (ie. Bill Cosby in The Cosby Show) to “appalling” (ie. Bill Cosby in real life).

Of the comedy formats that were judged, satire news articles came in last, scoring slightly less than prop humour and wedding speeches. Conversely, researchers found that new forms such as $5 comedy specials scored very well, and classics such as “videos of people doing stupid things and getting hurt” remained popular.

Many people are not surprised in the slightest by the rankings. Audiences will always laugh at videos of a cat acting like a person or a song full of puns, but fake news will continue to struggle to be not unbelievable enough. Furthermore, satirical news sites have a long history of causing outrage and angering their readers. When asked for a statement, an editor at Ottawhat? News stated “That’s a terrible idea for an article,” adding, “Don’t write that up, Keegan.”

Trans Canada trail not inclusive enough says LGBTQQIP2SAA community

By: Mike Holuj

Canada’s largest network of recreational trails, the Trans Canada Trail, is under harsh scrutiny from the LGBTQQIP2SAA community for not being inclusive enough. The long-named community, which stands for Lesbian, Gay, Transgender, Queer, Questioning, Intersex, Pansexual, 2-Spirited, Asexual, Allies, and shall henceforth be written as LGBTQ+, said in a press release that the Trans Canada Trail is, by name, not inclusive of other sexual orientations. Improvements should be made to the name of the trail to be more inclusive.

“We find the name quite problematic,” says Shirley Glasper, VP of communications for the Canadian LGBTQ+ Society. “It’s great that strides are being made to include transgendered people into the naming of locations of the country, however in naming the trail the Trans Canada Trail, it excludes people who are elsewhere on the sexuality spectrum. We are lobbying the government to rename it the LGBQTrans+ Canada Trail which includes reference to all orientations. That way, nobody feels left out.”

The motion to rename the Trans Canada Trail has created a large divide in Canadians, pitting those who believe this is an issue against those who didn’t even know it was an issue. Dan Mortimer, trail naming specialist, says “No, I told you I was a wildlife specialist along the trails, I have nothing to do with how trails get named. I can’t change the name of the trail. ‘Trans Canada’ just means ‘Across Canada’ and has nothing to do with LGBTQ rights. How is this an issue?”

Those in the Trans* community were delighted to discover a nationwide safe space, but did also press that other members of the LGBTQ+ community should be included in said space.

PM Justin Trudeau was unable to comment on the issue, due to his ongoing coast-to-coast Pride Day tour.