Tag: news

Residents Still Refuse to Say City Folk

By: Mike Holuj

With FolkFest around the corner, Mark Monahan and his marketing team are gearing up for the most aggressive rebranding campaign the city has ever seen. Since renaming the festival to “CityFolk” and relocating to Lansdowne Park for the 2015 season, Ottawa citizens have been slow on the uptake for the new name.

Folk superfan and beard enthusiast Robin Beam certainly seems to question the change. “I leave my log cabin every September for FolkFest, but since they changed the name to CityFolk, I’m not so sure anymore,” says Beam. “We’ve got BluesFest, JazzFest, ChamberFest, GreekFest, and we used to have FolkFest. It’s like FolkFest left the Fest family, and it makes the folk fans sad. No one calls it CityFolk. It’s an awkward name. FolkFest rolls off the tongue because of the alliteration. I think people will be calling it FolkFest for years to come until Mark loses his power as the Festival King.”
Monahan is adamant that “Cityfolk” is the permanent new name of the folk festival in Ottawa. His marketing campaign includes posters and signs literally everywhere, mail ads, bus stop ads, radio ads, television ads, and even skywriting. The festival also comes with the horrible named local musician showcase “Marvest”, which Mark insists is a clever portmanteau of “musical” and “harvest”, but in actuality is just a horrible name.
In the words of Mean Girls’ Regina George, “Stop trying to make [CityFolk] happen. It’s not going to happen.”

CBC to Debut New Reality Show “Keeping Up with the Suzukis” This Fall

By: Eric Turmelle

In an effort to keep up with the recent reality show craze in North America, the CBC stunned the Canadian public this morning with the announcement that a new reality show starring David Suzuki’s family will premiere this fall during primetime.

“It’s about time Canadian broadcasting started connecting with the younger generation,” announced Katherine Wolfgang, senior publicist for the CBC.

This is not the CBC’s first attempt to cater to younger viewers. Previous programs targeted at the demographic include “Mr. D” and “Schitt’s Creek,” however, ratings for these programs have fallen short of expectations to say the least. This seems to have led to CBC executives to up the ante with reality programming.

When asked why the Suzukis were chosen for this pilot project, Ms. Wolfgang explained: “I mean, the choice was very logical when you sit down and think about it. The Suzukis share many striking similarities to their American counterparts – the Kardashians. Both families feature captivating family members that would provide countless hours of reality entertainment, and both Kim and David are famous for their sex tapes, among many other surprising similarities.” Ms. Wolfgang, of course, is referring to Suzuki’s documentary featuring the effect of global warming on the reproductive cycles of Canadian fauna, filmed in 2009.

Whether or not the show will be a success remains to be seen, but one thing is for certain – some of Canada will be watching this fall.

Ottawa Greekfest Defaults on Loan

By: Keegan On

Ottawa’s annual Greekfest kicks off today, but not everyone is celebrating. At a press conference early this morning, Greekfest President Angelo Stamkos announced that the organization has defaulted on a sizeable loan this year.

“We’ve been having financial difficulties for a while,” says Stamkos. “We’ve done our best to mask these troubles in the past, but they seem to be coming to a head this year.” The costs for Greekfest are impressive, including venue fees, tent rentals, and olives. To complicate matters further, this bad news has caused multiple sponsors to pull their support.

The festival has been a summer staple for years, attracting thousands of participants. The ten day party showcases the best of Greek food, music, and art. While many plan on dancing the Zorba for the next week, others are not as cheerful. The future of the festival is uncertain, but many people are already proposing solutions.

“I think it is only fair that Ottawa Festivals bail us out. We have been a member of the organization for years, and have asked for nothing in return. We can’t all be as successful and well-off as the Germans with Oktoberfest, you know? If Greekfest goes down it could be bad news for other festivals in the area,” says Stamkos.  “Who knows, this could be the start of a global festival meltdown.”