Category: Ottawhat

While people often lament the physical pain associated with going to the dentist, the financial pain can also be a severe barrier to many. Pro Bono Dental is a group of dentists who have come together to ensure that everyone in Ottawa can have clean teeth. Despite this noble effort, they are facing one serious problem: no one is showing up.

“It’s mind-boggling” says Dr. Harrold Mince, who founded the clinic last year. “We are offering free dental care, and we can’t seem to attract clients. We run ad campaigns, we tweet, we even tried going through the phonebook and calling individuals, but nothing seems to work. It would appear that people have an extreme aversion to going to the dentist.”

Dr. Mince and his colleagues are certainly discouraged, but remain hopeful that public opinion will change, either on its own or with a little help from Pro Bono Dental. “We are currently tossing around a few promotional ideas. So far the front-runner is Sugar Mountain gift cards. I know, I know, but we need to find a way to get people in here. Hopefully, incentives like this will be enough to sweeten the deal.”

Ottawa is well known for having at least one festival every week in the summer, but so far parades tend to be limited to Christmas themes and the financially-strapped Capital Pride parade. Given the massively popular LGBTQ celebrations taking place in Ottawa and around the world, city officials are actively taking bids for new downtown attractions.

Of particular focus this year are the other so-called deadly sins. While some might argue that events like PoutineFest and RibFest have ‘Gluttony’ and ‘Sloth’ covered, parades are currently being planned around other vices that humans fall victim to. For instance, the Greed parade, which will take place early next year, will focus on the incoming and incumbent politicians assuming their seats on Parliament Hill.

The Envy parade, planned for when the weather improves again, will be held on Bank Street, and will involve the homeless of Ottawa lining the street and watching people go about their normal days. The Lust Parade will happen concurrently with Escapade next summer, where scantily-clad EDM fans will be encouraged to dance their way through the streets of downtown Ottawa.

Currently the city is accepting pitches for a Wrath parade; though strangely no offers have been presented thus far.