Category: News

The local cycling community has had it up to their helmets with the Ottawa Police bike patrol, and are now taking action. Numerous complaints have been filed with the city this season, citing infractions by police officers such as: cycling the wrong way on one-way streets, riding without helmets or bells, riding at night without lights, and disregarding bike lanes when riding in traffic.

Stan Polowski, a self-described frequent-cycler, and MAMIL (Middle-Aged-Man-In-Lycra), describes the police activity to be disgusting. “I’ve had it with these bike cops thinking they’re above the law,” said Polowski. “I was waiting to turn left onto Bank street about a week ago and one rode up alongside me and gave me a ticket because I had my foot outside the bike lane as I was waiting for the light to turn green. I got a ticket for something so small, while the cop who ticketed me rode up on the sidewalk! That’s not at all allowed!”

Cyclists in the area report an unusual affinity for pulling over visibly French cyclists. Pierre LeDouche says he was locking his bike in a park with his friend and a bike cop issued him a ticket for loitering. “I had just pulled up to the bike rack with my friend. We were speaking in French, and this bike cop gave me a ticket! He said we weren’t allowed to use those bike racks, as they were for Ontarians only,” says LeDouche, a resident of Gatineau, QC. Others have reported similar occurrences where simply speaking French while riding a bike will draw in a swarm of bike cops. “They seem to be attracted to the sound of French, like flies to poutine,” says Ledouche. The recent police crackdown on Quebec cyclists has prompted the creation of protest group, “Quebec Cyclists Matter.” The activist group has created a divisive debate in the city, with support from much of the public, paired with irrationally aggressive opposition from those who are largely unaffected by the issue.

Tauheed “2Wheelz” Epps, Ottawa’s councillor in charge of cyclist issues, has issued a statement of support stating “All cyclists matter in our city regardless of where they’re from. Ottawa will not stand for this abuse of power.”

“Nothing beats the summer heat like an ice cold beer” was once the original slogan of the Hope Summer Festival when it began in the pre-prohibition age of 1911. In its early days, John Hope, its creator and his colleagues would spend a weekend at Mooney’s Bay Beach drinking beer and listening to records. In the following years, and as technology progressed, the event grew from six dudes discretely day-drinking on a desolate beach to at least fifteen or sixteen friends trying different beers from the area.

When World War II came, most of the attendees of the underground event did not come back home meaning the Hope Summer Festival had come to an end. All Hope was not lost though. In the mid-1970s a student, Gordon Hope (no relation to John Hope) was researching the history of Ottawa’s beaches when he discovered a diary of one of the original members of Hope’s Summer Festival and in it, the whole story of the original festival. He gathered his friends and headed to the beach where they began the tradition or drinking beer and listening to music on the beach.

In 1982, an entrepreneur, Bob Hope (no relation to John, Gordon, or The Bob Hope) wanted to help build the event into something that could generate revenue and he, with the help of Gordon, transformed the Hope Summer Festival into the Hope Summerfest.  They gathered sponsors and the beer tents and beach chairs sprang up. In 1983, they added a stage and began attracting musicians from around the area. The festival has exploded to what it is known as today.

Bob Hope still maintains his chair on the board of the festival. The craft beer revolution of the last half-decade has given Bob some real hope for the festival’s future too. “We’ve been calling as many of the local craft breweries as we can to come out to the beach and sell their products. It makes us proud to be a pillar of the craft beer community. The same goes for musicians. All our musicians are Canadian, and they will remain that way. Hope is a Canadian festival for Canadians to come out to the beach, have a few beers and listen to some great live music. Plus, it’s for charity.”

When asked about the presence of volleyball at the festival, Hope says, “Oh yeah, that happens too.”

Parliamentarians have jumped on the bandwagon for Nintendo’s new augmented reality game “Pokémon Go.” In the game, players use a mobile app, and wander around real life areas attempting to trap fictional creatures called “Pokémon” in an effort to “catch ’em all.”

What began as friendly competition between the Liberals (who joined the red team) and Conservatives (who joined the blue team), turned ugly this morning. Several Conservative MPs blocked off access to the Peace Tower so that Rona Ambrose could capture a Charizard unopposed. Trudeau reportedly had a stare-down with Ms. Ambrose as she made her way down from the Peace Tower, all while aggressively tapping his right elbow as a display of dominance. Ms. Ambrose seemed unfazed by the Prime Minister’s aggression as she simply shouted “You will never have this, you will never have this!” while pointing to the newly acquired Charizard on her iPhone.  This led to a heated debate on the merits of fire-type Pokémon, as the Liberals have a hefty arsenal of water and rock-types.

Hours later, Thomas Mulcair proclaimed during question period, “Mr. Speaker, we ask that you put a hold on Pokémon Go usage within Parliament indefinitely.  We have submitted a formal request to Nintendo to include a orange team so that the NDP may adequately participate and support its brand. We will not join the yellow team as some have suggested, nobody likes yellow.”

“The Liberals and Conservatives have once again proved they are not competent enough to run a 1337 gym, let alone this country,” continued Mulcair. “Not allowing all parties to participate equally in Pokémon Go goes against the very fabric of our democracy.”

This whole ordeal has left a bitter taste in the majority of Canadians’ mouths, and has many wondering when Parliament will right the ship and get back to pretending to work in more subtle and traditional ways.