Category: News

CBC to Debut New Reality Show “Keeping Up with the Suzukis” This Fall

By: Eric Turmelle

In an effort to keep up with the recent reality show craze in North America, the CBC stunned the Canadian public this morning with the announcement that a new reality show starring David Suzuki’s family will premiere this fall during primetime.

“It’s about time Canadian broadcasting started connecting with the younger generation,” announced Katherine Wolfgang, senior publicist for the CBC.

This is not the CBC’s first attempt to cater to younger viewers. Previous programs targeted at the demographic include “Mr. D” and “Schitt’s Creek,” however, ratings for these programs have fallen short of expectations to say the least. This seems to have led to CBC executives to up the ante with reality programming.

When asked why the Suzukis were chosen for this pilot project, Ms. Wolfgang explained: “I mean, the choice was very logical when you sit down and think about it. The Suzukis share many striking similarities to their American counterparts – the Kardashians. Both families feature captivating family members that would provide countless hours of reality entertainment, and both Kim and David are famous for their sex tapes, among many other surprising similarities.” Ms. Wolfgang, of course, is referring to Suzuki’s documentary featuring the effect of global warming on the reproductive cycles of Canadian fauna, filmed in 2009.

Whether or not the show will be a success remains to be seen, but one thing is for certain – some of Canada will be watching this fall.

Ottawa Greekfest Defaults on Loan

By: Keegan On

Ottawa’s annual Greekfest kicks off today, but not everyone is celebrating. At a press conference early this morning, Greekfest President Angelo Stamkos announced that the organization has defaulted on a sizeable loan this year.

“We’ve been having financial difficulties for a while,” says Stamkos. “We’ve done our best to mask these troubles in the past, but they seem to be coming to a head this year.” The costs for Greekfest are impressive, including venue fees, tent rentals, and olives. To complicate matters further, this bad news has caused multiple sponsors to pull their support.

The festival has been a summer staple for years, attracting thousands of participants. The ten day party showcases the best of Greek food, music, and art. While many plan on dancing the Zorba for the next week, others are not as cheerful. The future of the festival is uncertain, but many people are already proposing solutions.

“I think it is only fair that Ottawa Festivals bail us out. We have been a member of the organization for years, and have asked for nothing in return. We can’t all be as successful and well-off as the Germans with Oktoberfest, you know? If Greekfest goes down it could be bad news for other festivals in the area,” says Stamkos.  “Who knows, this could be the start of a global festival meltdown.”

Snowplow Training Exercise to be Held this Summer

By: Keegan On

If you see a snowplow pass by in August, don’t worry; it’s part of the city’s Snowfall Preparedness Initiative. From August 9th-11th, 45 snowplows, 200 city workers, and 2 tonnes of fake snow will be used to simulate a variety of winter emergency scenarios.

“We’ve been caught with our snow pants down before, so to speak,” says City Official Rick Meyer. “These training exercises will undoubtedly improve the our response times for the upcoming winter. The City of Ottawa is dedicated to providing residents with regular, timely snow removal.”

The three-day event will cost the city nearly two million dollars, which will come out of the snowplow budget for the upcoming winter. “It’s an operational cost,” explains Meyers. “It’s an investment. Will we have reduced plowing hours as a result? Yes. Will we only be plowing when there is more than 20 cm of snow? Yes. But will we be more efficient at snow removal than last year? Probably.”