Tag: news

A group of new bilingualism laws passed on Monday are no laughing matter for comedy clubs in the Ottawa-Gatineau region. The laws will cause a number of changes, including forcing comedy goers to laugh in both official languages.

Signs directing patrons on how to laugh in French and English will be posted on the front doors of comedy venues. The signs will have to be at least 8 ½” by 11” and will direct the patron to snort appropriately.

Harriet Stein, the owner of Ottawa’s Yuk Yuk’s comedy club, said she’s hoping the new legislation will make the experience more inclusive for patrons. “I always welcome all kinds of customers,” said Stein. “hopefully this will ensure the french minority will feel more welcome.”

The new laws have mostly confused patrons, including heckler Frank Zippo.

Zippo, who has been banned from Ottawa’s Absolute Comedy twice, said he’s started taking French classes at an adult high school so he can heckle in both official languages. “I’ve always been meaning to learn French,” said the 39-year-old. “Now I have an excuse to make it a priority, just as I have made criticizing people on stage a priority.”

The law also states that comedians in the Outaouais have to tell jokes in both official languages.

Bart McKinnon, known for his routine criticizing Justin Trudeau, said he’s been working on improving his act so that his jokes will work in both languages. “The problem is a lot of jokes sound stiff in French,” he said. “It kind of ruins the mood when I have to bring up Google Translate on my phone.”

There is no news yet on how these regulations will affect sales and whether or not this will make comedy nights any funnier.

Economists all across Canada are shocked at the recent gains the Canadian Tire Dollar (CTD) is making, specifically when compared to the performance of the Canadian Dollar (CAD). The Canadian Dollar, (at the time of writing) sits at $0.73 USD, but the Canadian Tire Dollar has risen from $0.08 USD to $0.86 USD making it more valuable than the actual Canadian Dollar.

Martin Glansberg, an Ottawa economist specializing in alternate currencies says, “It’s truly amazing seeing the CTD beat out the CAD by almost 18%. It’s the biggest gain in alternate currency in one year than I’ve seen in my whole life. The CTD has been significantly less valuable than the CAD since its introduction to the market in 1958, and the way the market has been behaving lately, it’s no wonder that an alternate Canadian currency is beginning to take the lead.”

It is not currently known whether American markets will accept Canadian Tire money, however in Canada it can be used in place of Canadian dollars at all Canadian Tire locations.

To adapt to the rise in their currency’s value, Canadian Tire has begun to expand their variety of products from home and automobile equipment to many other items such as food, clothing, and are considering breaking into the real estate market.

“Look, with our dollar doing better than the actual Canadian Dollar, we’ve got to adapt fast or else we’ll be left behind. With enough work, we can make the Canadian Tire Dollar the new leading Canadian currency,” says James West, owner of Nepean’s Canadian Tire. “I can’t believe we were giving this away, it used to be something like 10% of the change you got back was CTD, but now, no way. We’re setting up currency conversion stations at the entrance to every store so we can start distributing more of our dollars. We’re even considering minting higher denominations of currency.”

Previously, the CTD was divided into bills of 5¢, 10¢, 25¢, 50¢, $1, and $2, but the store chain is considering releasing $5, $10, $20, $50, and $100 bills. “We can’t be certain on the future of this new currency, but we’ll see how the market behaves,” says West.

Reports also indicate that Walmart is considering launching an alternative currency, Wally Dollars (WAD), to compete with the CTD.

Carleton University recently obtained a building permit to create yet another residence building. The new structure boasts a higher student capacity, despite its smaller size.

In 2011, Carleton University opened Lennox & Addington residence buildings, which saw students packed together in small rooms. There was room for two beds, two desks, a sink, small closet, and a shared bathroom with another room. In total, its capacity is 717 students. The goal this year is to find a way to fit 1,000 new students into a building normally meant for 500.

“We’re using bunk beds to fit four people into a room smaller than what we built in 2011 with Lennox & Addington,” says Alessandro DiMillo, the chief architect. “We’re trying a new system for the bathroom. Two toilets and two shower heads,  back to back for privacy, of course. We want to meet our goal of having literally the smallest rooms we’re allowed to build while also providing some privacy to students. Compromise and all that, you know?”

In an effort to further save space, the building is being designed with actual paper for walls. “Every inch counts, which is why we’re having four rooms share a bathroom,” says DiMillo.

The residence building, tentatively named Sardinia, is set to open in September 2017 but construction won’t finish until sometime in 2018.