Ottawa Geek Market Spends $200,000 on Anti-Bullying Security Measures

This Saturday and Sunday, the fourth semiannual Ottawa Geek Market will descend upon the Nepean Sportsplex. The popular event features comic books, videogames, cosplayers, and other “geeky” endeavours. This year, organizers have added something else to the agenda: a heavy boost to security.

“The safety of our fans is paramount to us” says Jane Westcliffe, Geek Market’s organizer. “This event is a safe haven for geeks, dorks, and people who play Yu-gi-oh!. We decided to allocate a significant portion of our budget this year to ensure that everyone has a great time.”

Included in the Geek Market’s security budget this year is a variety of state-of-the-art anti-bullying technology. Patrons with gym bags, iPhone armbands, or protein shakers will. be thoroughly screened. Recording devices will identify individuals who utilize suspicious buzzwords, such as “bro” or “lift”. Participants will be asked to answer questions at certain checkpoints, such as “Who played the 8th Doctor Who?” (Paul McGann) or “What is the heaviest Pokemon?” (Groudon).

Hopefully, these precautions will be enough to ward off any persons who harbour ill-will towards the geeks of Ottawa.

Note: Ottawhat will be sending a team to cover the Ottawa Geek Market, so if you see us there, be sure to come over and say hi!

Sun Kil Moon Releases New Album “Ottawa and Other Cities That Hurt My Feelings and are Stupidheads”

Indie rocker Sun Kil Moon made headlines last week after he cancelled his performance at CityFolk and then put out a single titled Ottawa Bluesfest is Run by Inbreds. Yesterday, he released the rest of the album, Ottawa and Other Cities that Hurt my Feelings and are Stupidheads.
The record features 14 songs that chronicle his journey through various Canadian cities from his latest tour. Judging by the song titles, such as Toronto Smells Like Garbage, it would appear that Sun Kil Moon had problems in many of the places he travelled. Other notable tracks on the album include Halifax is a Wasteland, Why Can’t I Read the Stop Signs in Quebec City, and the ballad I’ll Never Go Back to Vancouver, even for a Bajillion Dollars.

Westboro To Rebrand as “Hintonburg West”

A decade ago, Westboro Village enjoyed the title of “Ottawa’s Trendiest Neighborhood”. The brief stretch of Richmond Road boasted hip restaurants, quirky stores, and independent coffee shops. More recently, hipsters have set their sights further east. Hintonburg is the new hot spot for Ottawa trendsetters, where citizens enjoy a variety of expensive, niche stores. 
“Desperate times call for desperate measures” says Rachel Howkus, president of the Westboro Business Association, “We have seen a significant drop in foot traffic in our neighborhood in the last two years, and businesses are starting to suffer. There are rumours that Mountain Equipment Coop and Bridgehead are going to relocate in Hintonburg, which is unacceptable”.
Last week, the Westboro Business Association held a vote to determine a new name for their area. “New Hintonburg”, “Hintonberg”, and even “Los Angeles” were contenders, but “Hintonburg West” won out in the end. The move is a bold one, and only time will tell if Hintonburg West will reclaim its hip vibe, or decay into a bland, suburban wasteland.