Category: News

Ottawa is well known for having at least one festival every week in the summer, but so far parades tend to be limited to Christmas themes and the financially-strapped Capital Pride parade. Given the massively popular LGBTQ celebrations taking place in Ottawa and around the world, city officials are actively taking bids for new downtown attractions.

Of particular focus this year are the other so-called deadly sins. While some might argue that events like PoutineFest and RibFest have ‘Gluttony’ and ‘Sloth’ covered, parades are currently being planned around other vices that humans fall victim to. For instance, the Greed parade, which will take place early next year, will focus on the incoming and incumbent politicians assuming their seats on Parliament Hill.

The Envy parade, planned for when the weather improves again, will be held on Bank Street, and will involve the homeless of Ottawa lining the street and watching people go about their normal days. The Lust Parade will happen concurrently with Escapade next summer, where scantily-clad EDM fans will be encouraged to dance their way through the streets of downtown Ottawa.

Currently the city is accepting pitches for a Wrath parade; though strangely no offers have been presented thus far.

Yesterday, OC Transpo unveiled its new timeline for the completion of the Light Rail Transit. Ottawans have been clamouring for its construction for years, and the organization has finally announced a firm plan to see the project through.

“Construction on Phase One has already begun,” stated OC Transpo’s Communication Liason Saul Green, “It will probably be done in a few months. Maybe not. Pending on the completion of Phase One, Phase Two will begin 2 to 32 weeks after. Our projected completion date of the entire operation is Spring 2017…or Late 2017…January 2018 at the Latest”. When pressed for further details on the timeline, Mr. Green was unable to elaborate with much certainty.

“The construction process will be as streamlined as possible. There will be digging, of course. Possibly some drilling. Perhaps even a controlled explosion or two. One thing is for sure, and you can quote me on this: Light Rail Transit is coming to Ottawa…probably”.

Many politically-aware groups are going out of their way to encourage everyone to vote today, but at least one shady organization is making persistent attempts to dissuade potential voters from filling out their ballots.

While companies like the highly controversial Uber has promised to pick up new riders and take them to polling stations today in Canada, not everybody is being so democratic. A group of secretive figures were seen early this morning at O-Train stations, identified only by their long, blue cloaks. Shortly after the party left the station in a van, service was suspended, around 6 AM. While service has since been restored to the line, technicians say they were lucky to get the system restored so quickly.

Later this morning, blue buses were seen parked in front of retirement residences, where drivers were seen encouraging residents to board to be taken to polling stations once they opened. When asked if anyone would be able to use these voting shuttles, more men in dark blue coats emerged to say that anybody under 40 or planning on voting Liberal or NDP would not be allowed aboard.

Between these and the other illicit tactics used by political groups throughout this campaign period, it is as vital as ever that voters, especially younger people, carry out their democratic duties, and vote! If you don’t already know how to do that, head to elections.ca and find out more.