Category: News

Rowdy students roaming the streets, shady characters lurking in alleys, and street parking only: behold Sandy Hill. The neighbourhood has a rough reputation, yet one local woman is spending a month living there voluntarily.

Rachel Ayan left her 3 bedroom house in Old Barrhaven, her husband, and son to live in Sandy Hill for November.

“It’s prostate cancer awareness month,” Ayan explains, “I wanted to raise money for the cause, but I knew that in order to get people to donate, I had to do something unpleasant. I considered running a marathon, but that’s too easy. I was driving through Sandy Hill one day, and it hit me: What’s worse than living here?”

Mrs. Ayan claims that she has trouble sleeping at night due to the sirens and the shouts of drunken pedestrians. In addition, her bike has been stolen twice since she moved into her temporary apartment.

“It’s for a good cause,” she smiles, “I hope I inspire others to raise money in a similar fashion. Someone tweeted at me yesterday that they are going to live in Hull for a week to benefit the homeless.”

“Because it’s 2015.” Prime Minister Trudeau’s response to a question about why he had so many female cabinet ministers resonated with Canadians. These three words encapsulate the tone that the Liberal Government is working hard to set, one of “real change”. Among these changes are aggressively progressive promises such as electoral reform and legalizing marijuana, and this morning Mr. Trudeau added another to his list.

“Canadians are tired of business as usual. We are coming into a golden age of enlightened thinking, of openness, and diversity. Our lives are becoming busier and moving faster. It is time that our parliament reflect these changes. That is why my government has committed to spending six million dollars to update the Peace Tower clock from analog to digital. No longer will Canadians be forced to figure out what time it is on the Hill. Gone will be the days of trying to figure out which is the long hand, and wondering if there is a second hand on the clock. The digitization of the Peace Tower clock will ensure that Canadians across the country will be able to quickly and effectively tell the time.”

While public opinion about the announcement was positive, experts have questions about how the plan will be implemented. The Liberals have not released details on the renovations, but have stated that they will involve hard work, dozens of new jobs, and a “significant amount of horse urine”.

Fried chicken is beloved by nearly everyone, but it’s not all created equal. While some prefer the 11 herbs and spices of KFC, others prefer the simpler flavour palate of the humble McNugget. Since the opening of the new Popeye’s restaurant in Gloucester, the debate over which chicken is the best has reached a fever pitch in Ottawa.

In a groundbreaking study from the University of Ottawa undertaken this fall, it has been demonstrably proven that given all the options around the city, and in the world, Popeye’s was ultimately ranked as the best fried chicken. Using metrics such as taste, aroma, umami, addictiveness, and many others to come to its conclusions, this study will hopefully put the fierce debate to bed.

The study was conducted by emeritus professor Davis Sweepes of the University of Ottawa, and consisted of visits to every fried chicken establishment in the city. Dr. Sweepes sampled each restaurant’s offering in his office in total isolation, including the new Popeye’s, before coming to the study’s conclusions.

“I couldn’t be happier with the results of this study,” Davis said upon submitting his research to Science, adding, “I’m just glad the University had money to fund this vital research. I see myself as a pioneer in the food science world.” Representatives from Union Local 613 will reportedly be filing a follow-up paper refuting Dr. Sweepes claims.