Tag: news

Parliamentarians have jumped on the bandwagon for Nintendo’s new augmented reality game “Pokémon Go.” In the game, players use a mobile app, and wander around real life areas attempting to trap fictional creatures called “Pokémon” in an effort to “catch ’em all.”

What began as friendly competition between the Liberals (who joined the red team) and Conservatives (who joined the blue team), turned ugly this morning. Several Conservative MPs blocked off access to the Peace Tower so that Rona Ambrose could capture a Charizard unopposed. Trudeau reportedly had a stare-down with Ms. Ambrose as she made her way down from the Peace Tower, all while aggressively tapping his right elbow as a display of dominance. Ms. Ambrose seemed unfazed by the Prime Minister’s aggression as she simply shouted “You will never have this, you will never have this!” while pointing to the newly acquired Charizard on her iPhone.  This led to a heated debate on the merits of fire-type Pokémon, as the Liberals have a hefty arsenal of water and rock-types.

Hours later, Thomas Mulcair proclaimed during question period, “Mr. Speaker, we ask that you put a hold on Pokémon Go usage within Parliament indefinitely.  We have submitted a formal request to Nintendo to include a orange team so that the NDP may adequately participate and support its brand. We will not join the yellow team as some have suggested, nobody likes yellow.”

“The Liberals and Conservatives have once again proved they are not competent enough to run a 1337 gym, let alone this country,” continued Mulcair. “Not allowing all parties to participate equally in Pokémon Go goes against the very fabric of our democracy.”

This whole ordeal has left a bitter taste in the majority of Canadians’ mouths, and has many wondering when Parliament will right the ship and get back to pretending to work in more subtle and traditional ways.

An Ottawa boy has been issued a $65 ticket after it was discovered that he had been building sandcastles without any form of permit or licence. The child and his family took a day trip to Constance Bay on Saturday, where he began creating structures out of sand and water almost immediately. After a few hours, a passing woman informed the boy that what he was doing was illegal, as the sand didn’t belong to him. Ottawa by-law arrived on the scene shortly afterwards.

“He makes castles all the time at home,” says Rachel Lanette, the boy’s mother. “I didn’t think it would be a big deal, but the by-law officers told us that we would have to take down the sandcastles and leave.”

The officers explained to the boy’s parents that the part of the beach they were sitting on was city property, and that any development on city land must be prefaced with the proper permits. After a heated argument, the family left the beach, and is now considering taking legal action. The incident comes days after the National Capital Commission forced a pair of young girls to close their lemonade stand, and marks a concerning trend in law “enforcement”.

The boy who started it all has been notably silent in the whole affair, and has declined all interview requests. While not wishing to discuss the legality of these issues, he did release a statement at a press conference last night, stating “they [by-law] are poop.”